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And that was that Im Either Going Pontooning About To Go Pontooning shirt . Where had I gone wrong. First night: park, fag, snog. Second night: ditto. Third night: ditto. Fourth night: chucked. OK, OK. Maybe I should have seen the signs. Maybe I was asking for it. Round about that second ditto I should have spotted that we were in a rut, that I had allowed things to fester to the extent that she was on the lookout for someone else. But she could have tried to tell me! She could at least have given me another couple of days to put things right!
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What did I think I was doing? What did she think she was doing?When I want to kiss people in that way now, with mouths and tongues and all that, it’s because I want other things too: sex, Friday nights at the cinema, company and conversation, fused networks of family and friends, Lemsips brought to me in bed when I am ill, a new pair of ears for my records and CDs, maybe a little boy called Jack and a little girl called Holly or MaisieI started going out with one of them Im Either Going Pontooning About To Go Pontooning shirt . . . no, that’s not right, because I had absolutely no input into the decision-making process. And I can’t say that she started going out with me, either: it’s that phrase ‘going out with’ that’s the problem, because it suggests some sort of parity and equality. What happened was that David Ashworth’s sister Alison peeled off from the femalepack that gathered every night by the bench and adopted me, tucked me under her arm, and led me away from the swingboatIf I try to say the joke to myself, making the word mean the three different things at the same time, it is like hearing three different pieces of music at the same time,which is uncomfortable and confusing and not nice like white noise. It is like three people trying to talk to you at the same time about different things.
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